And here I rest where disappointment and regret collide

And now the part where I

worry
need
ask
long
am

too much.

I know it well.

I am independent and tough and strong most of the time. But when I turn back the covers just a little, invite someone in to press near me in the coldest February nights, the darker parts start seeping out. My jealousies, fears, anxieties.

Counting down days and daydreaming what ifs has been more than okay. But I can’t shake the begging question of how long until or if ever we’ll actually share a life. Nothing until then is more than a preoccupation. Will I ever be brave enough to go? Do you even want me there?

So many fears, so many shortcomings.

I spent two hours in the dark mentally ticking off all my failings. Who will ever love this? How will I ever believe you?

Title and Registration – Death Cab for Cutie

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